A Real Man

Back when Nick was hit on his street bike he had screws placed at the top of his leg and ankle and a rod placed in his tibia bone.  Long story short, the screws in his ankle have been bothering him for a while and every time he would walk for long periods at a time it would start to hurt.  Nick's doctor decided it would be best if they just took them out.  Nick was all for this except for one tiny thing, he was NOT willing going to go under general anesthesia.  So it pretty much came down to Nick saying you can take the screws out IF I don't have to go under, and the doctor agreed.  On the day of the "surgery"  Nick showed up and was at the hospital for 5 hours before being brought back to the OR because there was a huge mix up between the doctors office and the hospital.  Long story short they kept telling Nick that he had to be put under general anesthesia or the procedure wasn't going to happen.  The doctor came and said he didn't need to be under anesthesia and that they would use a local anesthetic to numb the area and then do the procedure.  They marked the leg that they were going to "operate" on with a YES and the other leg with a NO, shaved a tiny area, and wiped his leg with that yellow stuff to sanitize and kill off any bacteria.  Before starting the procedure the anesthesiologist in the room (he was on stand by just in case of an emergency) said that in his 15 years of being in the OR he has never seen a person who chose to be awake during a procedure like this.  Nick said that everyone in the room seemed fascinated to see this done and to see Nick's reaction to it all.  The doctor numbed the area, waited a few minutes and then cut open the skin where the screws were.  Nick said that after that, the doctor stuck his fingers in there and started digging around to find the first screw (that part of the entire thing was the worst part because the doctor was digging and he would hit the nerves and Nick could feel it), once he found it he had to burn off the tissue that grew over the screw and then he used a drill to get the screw out.  He did the exact same thing to the other area with the screw, stitched Nick back up and they were done.  The procedure took all of 5 minutes to perform.  Nick said that everyone in the room was so amazed that he actually went through the procedure awake, and as a token the doctor let Nick keep the 2 screws.  I could never imagine doing that myself or anyone for that matter, it takes a man to do something like that.

The screws in his leg.

Birthday Fun

My sweet Nicholas turned 22.  We spent the entire day together, SO MUCH FUN.  We started out his day by opening gifts and cards when he got home from work, I also baked a cake. We went to the Fashion Show, and I treated him to a little gift, some Oakley sunglasses, we walked around then we went to Town Square, ate at Claim Jumper and had desert at Yogurtland.  It was a perfect day.  Anyway happy birthday to you baby, we love you oh so much!!

Liquid Gold.

Did you know that breast milk stored in a separate deep freezer can be saved for 6 months.  That being said, I pumped and saved any extra milk Ryder didn't drink thinking I would be able to use it if I were to ever leave him or was sick.  First off I haven't left him and second what was I thinking he doesn't use/like bottles and lastly milk stored in a freezer that gets opened frequently is only good for 3 months.  So all of that pumping was kind of a waste of time.  I ended up throwing away over 80 oz.  Next time I think I should just sell it or donate it, after all breast milk is so much better than formula, someone will want it right?

My Heart Melts.

Literally.  Every time my baby boy smiles, I melt.  His smile is to die for.   He is the happiest baby on earth.  I can't even explain what his smile does to me.  He just makes me so happy and fills my heart with so much joy.  I am the luckiest mommy in the world to have him.  The only time he ever cries is if he is past his nap time, other than that he is so, so happy.  I'll show you what I mean.

Four Years.

On March 16, it will be four years since my dad passed away.  Four years.  I can't believe its been that long because it still seems like yesterday.  I can still see him in our house sleeping in his bed (snoring), walking past the computer room and seeing him play spider solitaire, on the couch reading because that's what he always did (he loved to read) and even at church during sacrament, singing (with his deep voice).  People have said that with time things will get better, it won't hurt as much (I guess that's a little true) it is better.  I don't cry and haven't cried every single day since the year he left, but EVERY day, not even one day will go by when I don't think about him.  Its like breathing. It's almost instinct that a memory or the thought of him (where he is at and what he is doing) comes into my mind.  Its been hard not having him here, being able to just talk and hear his voice.  Sometimes I wish there was a phone to heaven that I could pick up and call him just to hear him call me his "little one" if only that were possible.  I can't wait until we meet again, just to wrap my arms around him, but until that day comes, I know he is watching over me and my family.  I know he was able to meet and spend time with Ryder before Ryder came to this earth.  That in itself brings comfort and eases my thoughts and pain.  So to end this little post (because I can go on and on and the tears would keep coming like a waterfall) I want to share a poem I wrote for my dad after he passed away, which is the one that I read at his funeral.  And the reason I chose to write a poem is because my dad was a very poetic person. Not many people were able to see that side of him, but if you did, you would be amazed at the things he would write.

An Ode to My Father, From Your Daughter

By the hands of God

With his grace, he lifted you up

And took you from this space

You had been put to the test

With trials and all

What a fight you fought

Through it all

Loyal Servant of God

Never gave up

Always stood for what was right

You fought the good fight

You made the covenants 

To prove faithful

All of the blessings

Which you had recieved

This last blessing, oh the relief

We were all so pleased

Loyal servant of God

Oh how proud he would be

To see me now

The strength you have given me

To carry on

While you're gone

Until I see you again

Loyal servant of God

My father he be 

So Spiritual and free

He may lay at rest

And hope for the best

That I may follow in his steps

With courage, strength, and knowledge

To be the Daughter of God 

He expects me to be

As a loyal servant of God

My father you will always be

The covenants you kept faithfully

Waiting for me

I'll keep the promises I made

That our covenants may have permanency

For families are for Eternity

I LOVE YOU DAD