Four Years.

On March 16, it will be four years since my dad passed away.  Four years.  I can't believe its been that long because it still seems like yesterday.  I can still see him in our house sleeping in his bed (snoring), walking past the computer room and seeing him play spider solitaire, on the couch reading because that's what he always did (he loved to read) and even at church during sacrament, singing (with his deep voice).  People have said that with time things will get better, it won't hurt as much (I guess that's a little true) it is better.  I don't cry and haven't cried every single day since the year he left, but EVERY day, not even one day will go by when I don't think about him.  Its like breathing. It's almost instinct that a memory or the thought of him (where he is at and what he is doing) comes into my mind.  Its been hard not having him here, being able to just talk and hear his voice.  Sometimes I wish there was a phone to heaven that I could pick up and call him just to hear him call me his "little one" if only that were possible.  I can't wait until we meet again, just to wrap my arms around him, but until that day comes, I know he is watching over me and my family.  I know he was able to meet and spend time with Ryder before Ryder came to this earth.  That in itself brings comfort and eases my thoughts and pain.  So to end this little post (because I can go on and on and the tears would keep coming like a waterfall) I want to share a poem I wrote for my dad after he passed away, which is the one that I read at his funeral.  And the reason I chose to write a poem is because my dad was a very poetic person. Not many people were able to see that side of him, but if you did, you would be amazed at the things he would write.

An Ode to My Father, From Your Daughter

By the hands of God

With his grace, he lifted you up

And took you from this space

You had been put to the test

With trials and all

What a fight you fought

Through it all

Loyal Servant of God

Never gave up

Always stood for what was right

You fought the good fight

You made the covenants 

To prove faithful

All of the blessings

Which you had recieved

This last blessing, oh the relief

We were all so pleased

Loyal servant of God

Oh how proud he would be

To see me now

The strength you have given me

To carry on

While you're gone

Until I see you again

Loyal servant of God

My father he be 

So Spiritual and free

He may lay at rest

And hope for the best

That I may follow in his steps

With courage, strength, and knowledge

To be the Daughter of God 

He expects me to be

As a loyal servant of God

My father you will always be

The covenants you kept faithfully

Waiting for me

I'll keep the promises I made

That our covenants may have permanency

For families are for Eternity

I LOVE YOU DAD